i wish i was an old woman.

I've been home everyday for the past 5 weeks. with less than ten days going out of home excluding buying food from the hawker ten minutes away, and church. and most hours i'm just in my room and nobody's at home.
i'm a hermit! i love my room its so self sufficient!

maybe people will think i'm such a loner with no life, but i think i have been going many places in fantastical shinobi worlds and the land of Narnia, within reach of a cuppa hot tea & the comfort of my rocking chair (:

today i decided to get some food at 9pm.
i walked to the hawker, ordered some mee pok, sat down to eat staring outwards to the row of shop houses through a curtain of light drizzle.
it was closing time and the shops i have seen everyday since i was 3 years old were doing their intricate labour of shifting the shelves of shoes and hooks full of bags into the shop.
it's like clockwork, like a jigsaw puzzle, squeezing everything back into the shop....while some customers rushed in for a last minute purchase. they were all middle aged, the men with alopecia & the ladies kindda lil haggard...speaking little to each other, and working hard. then i noticed in the shadows, between me and the shop, there was a quiet old figure.

this elderly man was wearing a warm beige jacket, seating on a wheelchair all alone. his back was towards me and i couldn't see his face. i wonder, had his family went in to buy something? person after person walked out of the shop, passing by him like he was part of the pavement. ocassionally someone stopped in front of him, and i had hopes it was his family, done with purchasing. but aye, it never turned out to be. they were just checking out the things on display, that was placed so near to him.

i felt so sick, my mee pok wasn't quiet as delicious tonight.
though i was hungry at first, i almost didn't have the appetite to finish my meal.

probably the family who runs this shop was his, i thought. but they went on packing the shop, not seeming to know him or be bothered by such a unusual presence of an old man on a wheelchair.
i told myself i was going to at least push him under the shelter after i finished my meal, if nobody was 'claiming' him by then.

the shop was still packing and the uncles & aunties were still busy. then i saw among them, a silver headed ahmah. she was in the typical-est ah ma clothes. the sleeveless shirt and three quarter pants, that had mini flowers on it that u never could make them out until u were really close up. purplish outfit that is common for them. and she was carrying a black pouch as any local vendor does. she was packing too, but she stopped to talk to the ahgong.

:) she placed her hand on his shoulder and talked in the most loving manner as i would imagine. now the ahgong's face turned to the side to reply. my vision was blur as of nowadays, and i couldn't see but only guess he was all at home. and that would be his lovely wife.

then as the closing got more labourious, requiring more strength for the largest racks to be pushed in, the ahma took a good old wooden stool and sat beside the ahgong.
OH! it wasn't drizzling anymore! I realised that i had kept checking if it was drizzling by judging a pool of water by the pavement. and the roof immediately above was dripping what was left of the rain just not too long ago.

they sat in silence, watching what i suppose to be their children closing the shop.
i can't fully describe it, but i felt tears welling up in my heart - not eyes. it was silly to cry eating meepok. it wasn't really that delicious...

i wish i was that ahma.
and i can't help but think... all these mundane troubles of life actually do make us much humane. than thinking of great lofty ideas without keeping my feet on the ground. about earning the biggest bucks about proving that poor grades doesn't equate low intelligence.

as i was finishing my meal, a lady interrupted my thoughts, to ask if she could sit at the same table as i was. she was busy, rushing off somewhere else after this quick meal, i could tell... and no sooner than she had sat down, she started staring at the store to see if her meal was going to be delivered to her (it was a self-service stall by the way).

so i laughed at the great contrast. of busy-er people in the stall with calmer state of mind.
and quickly finished every morsel in my bowl.

i took a detour to have a look at the sweet old couple from the front.
to my amazement i misunderstood so much of that scene!
that old man was not at all waiting in the drizzle, alone in the dark! he had a similar wooden stool that ahma was sitting on, placed in front of his wheelchair.
and wah seh.. he kiao kah (propped his legs up) on them until very shiok!

i was most foolish all this time. probably all my life up till recent years.

i wish i had a disposition of an old wise man. never ever jumping to conclusions and never ever reacting. yet having the capabilites of a smart ass. and the energy of a young person.
or maybe, i can begin to see the mundane things that i already have, just like this old couple has.